The Most Important Band In The World…?

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Radiohead is one of those bands.

Yes, they’ve had massive success, even your grandmother probably knows the band exists and maybe even heard “Creep” on Muzak (yes, it happens).

But in reality they’re a band for critics and music geeks. They’re the musical equivalent of Forrest Whittaker.

A few days ago, Radiohead got a cryptic. They erased their FB & Twitter, blanked out their website and sent weird postcards to members of their fan club and people who had recently purchased from their website.

“Something has to be coming!!!!”, the masses screamed.

And today, lo and behold, they pulled a Beyoncé (who has been pulling a Radiohead/Nine inch Nails for her last few releases). Here, ladies & gents, is “Burn The Witch”.

Now I’ll admit I like Radiohead. I don’t love them, but i do see a certain genius in a lot of their work. This, though?

For years Coldplay wanted to be a more mainstream Radiohead. Listen to any song off 2008’s  Viva La Vida and you’ll hear a band desperate to be taken seriously. Of course then they did a duet with Rihanna and went shitty pop. I blame Gwyneth. But I digress….

Listen to “Burn the Witch” again. Then listen to the title track from “Viva La Vida” and try not to laugh. Yes, after 23 years of pushing boundaries and “blowing minds”, Radiohead have put out a single that is essentially a super mopey  retread version of a song released by a band that was trying to sound more like Radiohead 8 years ago. Need a flow Chart? I have a headache.

 

Let’s be honest. Radiohead have been believing their own hype for years. The BendsOK Computer were fantastic, Kid A was claustrophobic and engrossing, Amnesiac was slightly more filler than killer, Hail to the thief was mostly misses, In Rainbows regained some glory, but King Of limbs was really listenable to critics and diehards only. What we have is a band determined to seal their legacy by  becoming a bit more self-indulgent every single album. They might as well become a prog rock band. And not a good one like Yes or Dream Theater. no, they’re becoming The Mars Volta bad (another self-indulgent hype loving crap fest).

Radiohead is one of those bands that people feel important for loving. So I wonder what those people will do now that Radiohead is a step away from releasing The Scientist?

 

The Post where i rant about the Rock-N-Roll Hall Of Fame.

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The Rock-N-Roll hall of Fame ceremony was last night. Don’t worry, the show runners will whittle the ceremony down to the most bland, predictable moments for mass consumption very soon.
Gene Simmons of kiss recently spoke out against NWA getting into the Hall of Fame, saying that  rap is killing rock-n-roll and “I am looking forward to the death of rap,” he stated. He’s actually been bitching about rappers getting in for several years.

But Gene seems to forget that the spirit of rock-n-roll doesn’t die when you let rappers (or Chicago) into the hall of fame. It dies every time every one of these bands (of any type) agrees to be part of a bloated, political, mainstream mess that actually doesn’t give a shit about artists. My problems with the Hall of Shame echo my issues with the Grammys. The people voting and running these organizations are the same vastly out of touch members of the old guard that left blues, doo-wop and Motown artists penniless and destitute later in life, then “honor” them long after they’re mostly dead and profit off their inductions.
Ice cube said in a recent interview “…but I think he’s (Gene) wrong on this, because rock ’n’ roll is not an instrument and it’s not singing. Rock ’n’ roll is a spirit. N.W.A is probably more rock ’n’ roll than a lot of the people that he thinks belong there over hip-hop. We had the same spirit as punk rock, the same as the blues.”
 The flaw in Ice Cube’s statement is that this is an oganization that doesn’t care about the spirit, it lets personal tastes, back room deals and whatever way the (usually minority) public opinion is blowing decide who gets in. The fact is if any of these 20, 30 & 40 year old bands still had any rock essence left in them, most of them would stop touring as a nostalgia act & break up (good move Motley Crue).
 In fact, let’s be completely honest, if the 18 yr old versions of Gene Simmons, Ice Cube, Billy Joe Armstrong, James Hetfield, Iggy Pop, The Beastie Boys, Run DMC, Public Enemy, The Sex Pistols or The Clash, among others, were to see that most of these people actually cared about an induction into this Hall Of Shame, their younger versions would kick their asses. If rock is dead, it isn’t because Chuck D got in, it’s because he allowed it to happen at all.
Lastly:
I don’t really like Steve Millers music, never have. But he gets it pretty right with this statement. Nice to see someone say something.

Wasting the American Dream

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Tonight on Fox there was a reality game show called “Super Human”. Basically a show about people with heightened observational skills. I’ve definitely watched worse, but not by a lot.

Anyway, the last “Superhuman” was a young latino man with a ability to memorize things in ways that esentially give him a photgraphic memory. Now before they show the contest, the do the typical humantarian background bullshit piece. In his he talks about how him mother imigrated to America for a better life for her kids. They grew up dirt poor and he sold random things door to door to help support the family. Nice story, right? ehhhh. Here’s my issue:

When he realized at a young age that he had his ability, did he buckle down in school? did he share his special skill with people that could’ve gotten him free rides to some of the best colleges in the world? Nope. He spends his 20’s being a novelty act, scraping by when he can and of course jumping at the chance to make $20K on a game show. And of course none of that should matter to me since his mother is in the audience crying with joy & once a week he teaches kids at a high school some of his memorization techniques. I call shenanigans.

This kid has squandered his life in the worst way possible. He could have been anything, ANYTHING, and yet he’s chosen to be a birthday party/corporate gig/Reality tv sideshow. His mother should be crying with shame, not joy.

TV Broke Vs. Real Broke

I have very, very basic cable, like 15 channels basic, mainly because cable is expensive and it’s 300 channels of shit. So when i actually watch tv it’s usually whatever syndicated crap is on TBS. Right now it’s Two Broke Girls.

So lets break this down:

  1. they both have full time jobs
  2. They own a cupcake business
  3. In the mind numbing epsisode i just watched they have a thriving tee shirt side business
  4. They have a two bedroom apt in NYC with a back yard big enough to have a small barn & a full size horse.
  5. They can afford to feed the horse.
  6. In the last episode they got a $10,000 business loan and now have $13,650 in savings.

So, by TV standards they’re broke. This means i should be in the next Sally Struthers feed the children commercial.

I wish i was that broke.

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Why it’s easy to criticize beauty when you’re beautiful

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Recently social media darling/attention whore Essena O’Neill has set the interwebs ablaze by quitting multiple social media platforms, removing dozens of pictures & starting a website to expose the dark side of social media. Why is this a big deal? Well, she’s very beautiful and had the “courage” to do the following.

“And yes, I quit all of social media. With 570,00+ followers on Instagram, 250,000+ subscribes on YouTube, 250,000+ on tumblr and 60,000+ average views on snapchat. Tumblr and Snapchat gone forever. My instagram left to expose the harsh and often humorous reality behind the #goals #instafamous culture and YouTube for purely vegan education. Deleting all those apps from my phone was one of the most empowering and freeing thing I have ever done,” she explains on her website.

See, from the age of 15 -19 Essena used social media to shill beauty products, clothes and other products for companies. She happily accepted free clothes and hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars from these companies. Now, at the wise old age of 19, she just can’t do it anymore.

One of her ways of exposing the evils of social media is to write critique’s under all her old instagram pictures. She’s being applauded as”brave” and “powerful”, but is she really?

Look at her Instagram and notice that she constantly refers to herself as “hitting the genetic lottery”. So yes, not only is she beautiful, but man does she know it.

She also chastises people for gawking at pictures of her as a 15 yr old in a bathing suit, yet she clearly states in multiple pictures that all the photos were taken by her, her sister or a friend. Maybe we should chastise her parents first?

So, is she a hero? A role model?

Many of her (now former) friends state this is all a hoax to get her to the next level of social media popularity.

She is also currently signed to IMG model agency.

Lastly. As far as we know she has neither returned nor given away a penny of the money she’s made off of this evil.

My opinion? I think you already know. A beautiful 19 yr old girl without a clue what to do with her life realizes that there’s a whole new group of teen girls cutting into her cash flow and it’s inevitable that she’ll soon fade into obscurity without making major moves?

Grow up and go to college?
Nope.

Double down and hope for the best?
Nope.

Acting, modeling?
Maybe. Hopefully.

Porn?
Probably in about 5 years.

Bite the hand that gave you the money to live like a mini kardashian? Hope people are so desperate for a ” hero” that they latch onto your bullshit?
Bingo.

If this is a hero for young girls, we’re even more fucked than I feared.

A visit to a coffee shop….

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So I visited one of my favorite coffee shops today, brought my tablet, figured I’d do a little writing and relax. This was my actual experience….

I understand college kids are often on a tight budget, I was there once. Hell, I’m still there more often than I like….

But If you come to a coffee shop, that also sells food, and bring your own Tupperware dish of food, I kind of dislike you…..

But hey, live & let live, right?

I wish.

Because I forgot my headphones and the girl in question & her friend are working on a project for a class about converting more people to “an organic life” and how places like Whole Foods are just evil corporations killing the cause and need to be picketed out of business using Twitter & other social media….of course they can’t go three words without saying “like” or stopping to respond to a text…oh my God, they’re going to vote next year, aren’t they?

Next, I sneezed. Instead of saying “bless you” the two of them stopped their conversation, looked at me like I’d just rubbed one out in their soy milk, free range, organic , half-caf, double foam chai lattes and then went back to their “important” work.

As my friend Ethan asked on social media version of this  story “And let me guess, when they were wearing their free trade, free range alpaca wool knit hats that cost 100 times what they should, that their mommy and daddy handed to them. On their over powered Mac’s that they solely use for social media, also that mommy and daddy bought them?”

In a word, Yes.

What’s the point of this post? Nothing really, I just realized that the millennial generation really is most of the shitty things people say about them and it makes me sad…..

*un-ironically posted by the guy with the thick frame glasses, “read more books” tee, wool cardigan and battered chucks*