A Janky Definition of “Courage”

*Disclaimer: i don’t care for Apple products. While i think they function decently, i even owned a Mac desktop for several years, and had an i-phone & I-pad as  work issued devices, there is nothing revolutionary about them, and they are trendy products in the same way PBR is inexplicably a trendy beer for hipsters right now. So take my opinions with a grain of salt.*

So, there’s a new I-Phone coming out. Let’s focus on the revolutionary and courageous new Specs & features:

  1. THEY GOT RID OF THE HEADSET JACK!!! REVOLUTIONARY!!! COURAGEOUS!!!!  Wait, didn’t Motorola already get rid of the jacks on their new “Z” line phones?
  2. IT’S WATERPROOF!!!!!  -Wait, Didn’t Samsung release waterproof phones starting in 2013?
  3.  AN EVEN BETTER DUAL CAMERA!!!! -Wait, didn’t  LG do that in 2011 & HTC in 2013-current? 
  4. IT HAS A REVOLUTIONARY 64 BIT QUAD CORE PROCESSOR!!!– Wait, didn’t Oppo start that trend in 2014 with the R5?
  5. HUGE BATTERY!!!!  3000 mAh battery!!!!!! –Wait, hasn’t Motorola had 6 phones since 2013 with at least a 3500 mAh battery?
  6. Professional photographers will be happy to know that the iPhone 7 finally supports RAW image format-Wait, didn’t Samsung release the Note 5 and LG release the LG G4 and LG V10 in 2015 with that feature?
  7. BUT HEY, THEY’VE IMPROVED THE FINGERPRINT SCANNER!!!! AND THEY HAD THAT FIRST -Wait, didn’t Motola have a fingerprint scanner on the Atrix in 2011?
  8. WELL, THEY PUT OUT AMAZING WIRELESS HEADPHONES!!!!!– Here’s a list of the 10 best Wireless headphones. It came out a year ago HERE     

The fact is, Apple has revolutionized its own phone for its core customers. This is a phone for people that know nothing about phones, and think 95% of Americans have an i-phone (it’s actually Android 52%, Apple 43%… Worldwide Apple is at 23%)

I’m not saying don’t buy an i-phone. If you want to make calls, text and listen to music without ever learning anything about your phone, or technology in general, then yeah, an i-phone is ok. But don’t think for a moment that Apple is doing anything revolutionary or courageous, they’re just continuing their 4 year trend of following everything everyone else does, long after they’ve done it.

Remember, Prior to the 6S & 7S, Steve Jobs said no one was ever going to buy a phone larger than 3.5-4 inches because “you can’t get your hand around it”

Visionary indeed.




Shut up and play your music…

Alicia Keys is the latest artist to ban smartphone use at her concerts. Here’s how it works:

You walk in to a Keys concert and security makes you put your smartphone in a pouch. They then lock that pouch and hand it back to you. You can’t remove your phone from that pouch until the end of the concert when security unlocks you on the way out.

So what will this do?

“We think smartphones have incredible utility, but not in every setting. In some situations, they have become a distraction and a crutch — cutting people off from each other and their immediate surroundings.”

So yeah that’s their official reasoning. But let’s be honest, its about ego. Artists like Alicia want the world to revolve around them. They don’t perform your you, you pay to experience their genius.

Additionally, in the wake of the Pulse terror attack, do we really want to limit communication in a large social setting?

I agree that people need to use their phones less and experience the moment more, but it’s not an artist’s right or responsibility to decide that for us. Remember, you’re famous because of us, not in spite of. So shut up and play your damn song.

Friday Night Math

So Wendy’s is going to put in self order kiosks at 6,000 locations this year, and if it goes well, start rolling it out to franchises next year. I’m going to guess if this does well, McDonald’s, Burger King and other fast food chains will follow very quickly, like right around the time minimum wage hits $15 in NY, CA and the other states putting it in to effect.
So here’s a quick economics lesson:
$15 is more than $9 or $10
but $9 or $10 is a lot more than what you get when your unemployment runs out because you’ve been replaced by robots.
Additionally, $9 or $10 is also enough to afford that GED you didn’t bother with or $9-$10 is enough for most people to scrape by with to get an associate degree at a community college.
lastly, $39,000 a year average for most people with associates degrees is a lot more than $9-$10 an hour. Probably worth you racking up a few years of student loans so you don’t have to smell like fry grease.
My Point?
You did this to yourself.

Why it’s easy to criticize beauty when you’re beautiful


Recently social media darling/attention whore Essena O’Neill has set the interwebs ablaze by quitting multiple social media platforms, removing dozens of pictures & starting a website to expose the dark side of social media. Why is this a big deal? Well, she’s very beautiful and had the “courage” to do the following.

“And yes, I quit all of social media. With 570,00+ followers on Instagram, 250,000+ subscribes on YouTube, 250,000+ on tumblr and 60,000+ average views on snapchat. Tumblr and Snapchat gone forever. My instagram left to expose the harsh and often humorous reality behind the #goals #instafamous culture and YouTube for purely vegan education. Deleting all those apps from my phone was one of the most empowering and freeing thing I have ever done,” she explains on her website.

See, from the age of 15 -19 Essena used social media to shill beauty products, clothes and other products for companies. She happily accepted free clothes and hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars from these companies. Now, at the wise old age of 19, she just can’t do it anymore.

One of her ways of exposing the evils of social media is to write critique’s under all her old instagram pictures. She’s being applauded as”brave” and “powerful”, but is she really?

Look at her Instagram and notice that she constantly refers to herself as “hitting the genetic lottery”. So yes, not only is she beautiful, but man does she know it.

She also chastises people for gawking at pictures of her as a 15 yr old in a bathing suit, yet she clearly states in multiple pictures that all the photos were taken by her, her sister or a friend. Maybe we should chastise her parents first?

So, is she a hero? A role model?

Many of her (now former) friends state this is all a hoax to get her to the next level of social media popularity.

She is also currently signed to IMG model agency.

Lastly. As far as we know she has neither returned nor given away a penny of the money she’s made off of this evil.

My opinion? I think you already know. A beautiful 19 yr old girl without a clue what to do with her life realizes that there’s a whole new group of teen girls cutting into her cash flow and it’s inevitable that she’ll soon fade into obscurity without making major moves?

Grow up and go to college?

Double down and hope for the best?

Acting, modeling?
Maybe. Hopefully.

Probably in about 5 years.

Bite the hand that gave you the money to live like a mini kardashian? Hope people are so desperate for a ” hero” that they latch onto your bullshit?

If this is a hero for young girls, we’re even more fucked than I feared.

The post where I mock Hollywood & the new Steve Jobs movie using potentially shaky math that I googled.


Critics loved it! Apple! Stellar cast! Apple! Very little opening weekend competition! Apple! How could it not be blockbuster?

1. Only 64% of Americans have a smartphone.

2.  47% of those Americans use Android. There’s basically half your viewers gone.

3. 28% of Apple owners are over 50 and can barely text, never mind worship the ghost of Jobs.

4. Only 40% of movie goers are interested in seeing biopics in the theater.

5. People fail to realize that only populations of major cities really care about these types of Oscar bait-inside story movies

Take those nuggets and lets do some math! This means that since roughly 62% of American adults go to the movies every weekend, only about 105 million people would even consider going to see the movie, (this ignores 46% of the population that doesn’t even have a smartphone) and they have a choice of over 45 movies in wide release and several dozen more in limited runs….

So even if all 105 million Americans that like Apple & like biopics went to see it, they would have made roughly $16 mil this weekend. It made $7.3 mil. They forecast at least $19 mil

The bigger question is, who was dumb enough to green light it?


There should be pain…


So there’s a new cream being tested that could remove your tattoo, completely painless, with just a few applications.


Maybe I’m old school, or just a grumpy asshole, but I think there should be pain involved in tattoo removal.

When you get a tattoo, you should plan your design carefully, choose your artist carefully and save your money for quality work. If you fail to do any of these things, and decide to get a basement tattoo by your uncle jimmy that learned how to “ink” people online or in prison, then you deserve what you get and it should hurt like holy hell if you want it taken off.

As someone with 13 tattoos, I know even with the best designs there can be small amounts of regret. But that’s part of growing up and learning. Deal with it.

Nerding out, Mixed tape Style…..


Last night i started reading “Cassette Tapes From My Ex” a collection of short stories about people’s failed relationships and the tapes left behind. There are some cool stories and they even show the original tape covers with song listings. it kinda made me a little nostalgic. I miss making mix tapes. mix Cd’s, just making…. Digging through your collection, finding the perfect songs for each individual person then figuring out the order & flow. It’d a DJ’s (& nerds) dream….and i think it’s a (minor) lost art. So with that in mind i decided to make myself a playlist. I put it together in my Google Play Music and i’ll listen to it over and over till i’m sick of every song.

Fair warning, this list isn’t meant to be edgy or cool, i’m way too nerdy for that. I just wanted a fall mix that summed up where i am in the fall of 2013. So here it is:

1 Leave R.E.M.
2 6AM My Hotel Year
3 Great Expectations The Gaslight Anthem
4 from the Bottom of a Well Mike Doughty
5 Deperately Wanting Better Than Ezra
6 Come Back Down Toad The Wet Sprocket
7 The Only Living Boy In New York Simon & Garfunkel
8 32 Flavors Ani DiFranco
9 Everything Falls Apart Dog’s Eye View
10 Goodnight, Good Guy Collective Soul
11 Just Like Heaven Cure, The
12 Sweater Weather The Neighbourhood
13 6th Avenue Heartache The Wallflowers
14 Dreams (Fleetwood Mac Cover) Bastille Feat. Gabrielle Aplin
15 City of Blinding Light U2
16 No Story Time Smallpools
17 Backwater Meat Puppets
18 Somebody To Shove Soul Asylum
19 Screamager Therapy
20 My Own Worst Enemy Stereophonics
21 High & Dry Radiohead
22 Games Without Frontiers Peter Gabriel
23 Skip The Charades Cold War Kids
24 What’s A Girl To Do Bat For Lashes
25 Too Dramatic Ra Ra Riot
26 Set Adrift On Memory Bliss P.M. Dawn
27 Dry The Rain The Beta Band
28 Bloodbuzz Ohio The National
29 Ride Cary Brothers
30 Under the Milky way The Church