Shut up and play your music…

Alicia Keys is the latest artist to ban smartphone use at her concerts. Here’s how it works:

You walk in to a Keys concert and security makes you put your smartphone in a pouch. They then lock that pouch and hand it back to you. You can’t remove your phone from that pouch until the end of the concert when security unlocks you on the way out.

So what will this do?

“We think smartphones have incredible utility, but not in every setting. In some situations, they have become a distraction and a crutch — cutting people off from each other and their immediate surroundings.”

So yeah that’s their official reasoning. But let’s be honest, its about ego. Artists like Alicia want the world to revolve around them. They don’t perform your you, you pay to experience their genius.

Additionally, in the wake of the Pulse terror attack, do we really want to limit communication in a large social setting?

I agree that people need to use their phones less and experience the moment more, but it’s not an artist’s right or responsibility to decide that for us. Remember, you’re famous because of us, not in spite of. So shut up and play your damn song.

Asshole Musicians Of The Week

Celebrities do a lot of dumb things. All the time. I know it, you know it and if they weren’t to busy doing afore-mentioned dumb things, they’d probably know it too. So here’s my top  asshole moves by bands/musicians.

  1. Maroon 5.

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Everyone that knows me knows I support gay marriage, have several gay friends and fully believe in a “live & let live philosophy”.

However, let’s play a game of spot the hypocrisy.

In Russia homosexuality was classified as a mental illness till 1993 and being openly gay was banned till 1999. Anyone that falls under the category of LGBT is openly discriminated against, has no legal protections and zero domestic partner rights. There are multiple documented cases of transpersons being beaten by vigilante groups for using the wrong bathrooms or being openly trans. Want to see freedom for openly gay people? Read up on the Russian punk band Pussy Riot.

Why bring this up? Maroon 5 has decided they can’t perform in NC because the anti-lgbt law there goes against their principles. Yet they still plan to perform in Russia this summer.

I guess principles get all “grey area” where their wallets are concerned.

     2. Beyonce

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Beyonce is all about girl power, woman power, race power….power power, power. We’ll skip over the fact that she completely fucked over the original members of Destiny’s Child and talk about her clothing line Ivy Park. Because, while she’s all about empowering women, she opted to have her clothing line manufactured in Sri Lanka. And while Beyonce is all about empowering women, the seamstresses in her factory make $6.23 a day. Now that’s power(Honorable mention goes to the national review that claims Beyonce is a hero because most workers in Sri Lanka make slightly less than $6 a day).

3. Justin Bieber

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Poor Bieber had to cancel a show in Argentina. During a visit to Argentina in 2013, Bieber was seen disrespecting Argentina’s flag during a concert and in 2015 an Argentinian judge issued an arrest warrant for him related to the assault of a photographer.

Although let’s be honest, he makes this list as long as he’s breathing.

 

 4.Wes Scantlin (Puddle Of Mudd Vocalist)

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The Charming, lovable lead singer of Puddle of Mudd has a warrant out for his arrest after failing to appear in court for one of the 12,000 dumb things he’s done in less than 2 years.

The singer’s arrest record is a laundry list of charges, including trespassing and vandalizing his former home, multiple DWI / DUIs and even riding the baggage carousel drunk at an airport. Scantlin’s also made headlines for multiple mid-show meltdowns where he accused a fan of stealing his house, shutting down a show after verbally abusing the venue’s sound guy and ranted at the crowd from a chair onstage while the rest of his band walked offstage. He even somehow managed to avoid charges for being involved in a standoff with 30 police officers. While attempting to jump-start a car, Scantlin hurried from the driveway and into his house when the authorities arrived, refusing to come out for two hours. Winning!

Friday Night Math

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So Wendy’s is going to put in self order kiosks at 6,000 locations this year, and if it goes well, start rolling it out to franchises next year. I’m going to guess if this does well, McDonald’s, Burger King and other fast food chains will follow very quickly, like right around the time minimum wage hits $15 in NY, CA and the other states putting it in to effect.
 
So here’s a quick economics lesson:
$15 is more than $9 or $10
but $9 or $10 is a lot more than what you get when your unemployment runs out because you’ve been replaced by robots.
Additionally, $9 or $10 is also enough to afford that GED you didn’t bother with or $9-$10 is enough for most people to scrape by with to get an associate degree at a community college.
lastly, $39,000 a year average for most people with associates degrees is a lot more than $9-$10 an hour. Probably worth you racking up a few years of student loans so you don’t have to smell like fry grease.
My Point?
You did this to yourself.

TV Broke Vs. Real Broke

I have very, very basic cable, like 15 channels basic, mainly because cable is expensive and it’s 300 channels of shit. So when i actually watch tv it’s usually whatever syndicated crap is on TBS. Right now it’s Two Broke Girls.

So lets break this down:

  1. they both have full time jobs
  2. They own a cupcake business
  3. In the mind numbing epsisode i just watched they have a thriving tee shirt side business
  4. They have a two bedroom apt in NYC with a back yard big enough to have a small barn & a full size horse.
  5. They can afford to feed the horse.
  6. In the last episode they got a $10,000 business loan and now have $13,650 in savings.

So, by TV standards they’re broke. This means i should be in the next Sally Struthers feed the children commercial.

I wish i was that broke.

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Why it’s easy to criticize beauty when you’re beautiful

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Recently social media darling/attention whore Essena O’Neill has set the interwebs ablaze by quitting multiple social media platforms, removing dozens of pictures & starting a website to expose the dark side of social media. Why is this a big deal? Well, she’s very beautiful and had the “courage” to do the following.

“And yes, I quit all of social media. With 570,00+ followers on Instagram, 250,000+ subscribes on YouTube, 250,000+ on tumblr and 60,000+ average views on snapchat. Tumblr and Snapchat gone forever. My instagram left to expose the harsh and often humorous reality behind the #goals #instafamous culture and YouTube for purely vegan education. Deleting all those apps from my phone was one of the most empowering and freeing thing I have ever done,” she explains on her website.

See, from the age of 15 -19 Essena used social media to shill beauty products, clothes and other products for companies. She happily accepted free clothes and hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars from these companies. Now, at the wise old age of 19, she just can’t do it anymore.

One of her ways of exposing the evils of social media is to write critique’s under all her old instagram pictures. She’s being applauded as”brave” and “powerful”, but is she really?

Look at her Instagram and notice that she constantly refers to herself as “hitting the genetic lottery”. So yes, not only is she beautiful, but man does she know it.

She also chastises people for gawking at pictures of her as a 15 yr old in a bathing suit, yet she clearly states in multiple pictures that all the photos were taken by her, her sister or a friend. Maybe we should chastise her parents first?

So, is she a hero? A role model?

Many of her (now former) friends state this is all a hoax to get her to the next level of social media popularity.

She is also currently signed to IMG model agency.

Lastly. As far as we know she has neither returned nor given away a penny of the money she’s made off of this evil.

My opinion? I think you already know. A beautiful 19 yr old girl without a clue what to do with her life realizes that there’s a whole new group of teen girls cutting into her cash flow and it’s inevitable that she’ll soon fade into obscurity without making major moves?

Grow up and go to college?
Nope.

Double down and hope for the best?
Nope.

Acting, modeling?
Maybe. Hopefully.

Porn?
Probably in about 5 years.

Bite the hand that gave you the money to live like a mini kardashian? Hope people are so desperate for a ” hero” that they latch onto your bullshit?
Bingo.

If this is a hero for young girls, we’re even more fucked than I feared.

A visit to a coffee shop….

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So I visited one of my favorite coffee shops today, brought my tablet, figured I’d do a little writing and relax. This was my actual experience….

I understand college kids are often on a tight budget, I was there once. Hell, I’m still there more often than I like….

But If you come to a coffee shop, that also sells food, and bring your own Tupperware dish of food, I kind of dislike you…..

But hey, live & let live, right?

I wish.

Because I forgot my headphones and the girl in question & her friend are working on a project for a class about converting more people to “an organic life” and how places like Whole Foods are just evil corporations killing the cause and need to be picketed out of business using Twitter & other social media….of course they can’t go three words without saying “like” or stopping to respond to a text…oh my God, they’re going to vote next year, aren’t they?

Next, I sneezed. Instead of saying “bless you” the two of them stopped their conversation, looked at me like I’d just rubbed one out in their soy milk, free range, organic , half-caf, double foam chai lattes and then went back to their “important” work.

As my friend Ethan asked on social media version of this  story “And let me guess, when they were wearing their free trade, free range alpaca wool knit hats that cost 100 times what they should, that their mommy and daddy handed to them. On their over powered Mac’s that they solely use for social media, also that mommy and daddy bought them?”

In a word, Yes.

What’s the point of this post? Nothing really, I just realized that the millennial generation really is most of the shitty things people say about them and it makes me sad…..

*un-ironically posted by the guy with the thick frame glasses, “read more books” tee, wool cardigan and battered chucks*

The post where I mock Hollywood & the new Steve Jobs movie using potentially shaky math that I googled.

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Critics loved it! Apple! Stellar cast! Apple! Very little opening weekend competition! Apple! How could it not be blockbuster?

1. Only 64% of Americans have a smartphone.

2.  47% of those Americans use Android. There’s basically half your viewers gone.

3. 28% of Apple owners are over 50 and can barely text, never mind worship the ghost of Jobs.

4. Only 40% of movie goers are interested in seeing biopics in the theater.

5. People fail to realize that only populations of major cities really care about these types of Oscar bait-inside story movies

Take those nuggets and lets do some math! This means that since roughly 62% of American adults go to the movies every weekend, only about 105 million people would even consider going to see the movie, (this ignores 46% of the population that doesn’t even have a smartphone) and they have a choice of over 45 movies in wide release and several dozen more in limited runs….

So even if all 105 million Americans that like Apple & like biopics went to see it, they would have made roughly $16 mil this weekend. It made $7.3 mil. They forecast at least $19 mil

The bigger question is, who was dumb enough to green light it?

http://www.cnet.com/news/steve-jobs-movie-flops-in-nationwide-opening-weekend/#ftag=CAD590a51e